


Oblivion (I Try to Follow)

by The_Curious_Wonderer



Series: various tales in a twin Hawkes AU [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, I think this is going to actually be a big series I've got PLANS now guys, I wasn't even planning on writing a story with Marian in it, but Marian had her own plans and I had to follow them, hawke twins au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Curious_Wonderer/pseuds/The_Curious_Wonderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She knows she can save her brother, she just needs... help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oblivion (I Try to Follow)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Bastille, subject is not mine.
> 
> Just a heads up, there are some very small Trespasser spoilers, and also I switched the timeline so Trespasser takes places much sooner after Inquisition, so none of the companions had a chance to leave. They're mine, and I won't let them go.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @how-do-i-even-life

Marian fucking hates Skyhold.

She's been there for two weeks before Varric and this Inquisitor return from God knows where. 

(The Hinterlands, she's been told several times, each one said slower, more condescending. She honestly has no idea why anyone would purposely go to that bear-infested corner of the world.) 

((Or Skyhold, for that matter! It's too bright, too cold even in summer, too cheerful, there's no angry yelling or salt in the wind. If Isabela's tight grasp wasn't an anchor, if there were no mission, no reason, she'd be gone in a heartbeat.))

Varric's eyes widen only the slightest bit when they see her at the gates, and she feels a vindictive pleasure at it. No matter how much she argues it in her mind, some irrational part wants to blame him, to shake him and scream, "How dare you!" but it would do no good.

(Sometimes, she remembers growing up on the outskirts of Lothering, remembers how many times she uttered the words 'my brother is sick,' 'Garrett's just not feeling well,' 'he can't come out today, he's-' 

'Ill,' her friends would chorus in giggles and she'd laugh along. She remembers Carver using the same excuses.)

((Sometimes, she'll remember that Kirkwall felt like sinking into a warm bath, that she belonged and relaxed into the city and the danger and her own importance in those walls. But she also remembers Garrett's face, tight and pained when he thought they wouldn't see. She remembers that Carver stopped saying Beth was sick when they were twelve because she could control her emotions, her magic, but those words were always on the tip of her own tongue.))

The Inquisitor is an elf, like the tales all say, her skin just shades lighter than Isabela's but her eyes a vivid blue, her hand sparking green in a way that seems to send magic tingling along her spine like lightning. "Adelai Lavellan," she introduces herself, the smile on her lips not sitting quite straight. "You're Marian, then? I'll find you and Varric after I speak to Leliana."

She leaves too quickly to be dutiful, the kind of step that says, 'maybe if I walk faster, the day will end quicker, and I can finally sleep.'

Marian knows that walk pretty intimately.

"Did she say Leliana?" She muses. "I knew a Leliana once."

"I doubt it's the same one," Varric shakes his head. "She's our spymaster."

(One night, when they are seventeen, she wakes up and Garrett is gone. She follows his hasty tracks into town, to the cracked door of the chantry, and he is praying, he looks so old and so weary and she just stands there until someone walks in from the side. 

"May I pray with you?" Leliana asks, and her brother says yes. Marian knows her brother, but she has not seen him cry in almost ten years. He has tears on his face, here in the pews of the chapel before Andraste and the Maker and Leliana.

"Why does the Maker chose certain things for certain people?" He asks quietly. "Like hair color, or being able to whistle, or-"

"Or sword fighting, or archery, or magic?" Leliana's voice is soft and Garrett's body tenses. "You have nothing to fear from me, so long as you yourself are safe, Garrett." Her tone is wry. 

"Why?" Garrett repeats, lower, sadder.

"If not you, then who?" Leliana responds. "If not me, then who? We can not pick the hand life deals us, but we play our cards as best we can. And perhaps," she says, almost to herself, "our curses may become blessings."

Marian flees, toes barely a whisper as she speeds home and tucks herself back into bed, laying wide-eyed until the door creaked and she heard Garrett sneak back into his bed. She does not get up the way she wants to, she does not shake him and scream, "Why didn't you tell me?")

Varric doesn't even formally say hello, he just leads them to the tavern, where Isabela exclaims, "The Bull's Chargers!" and then she's gone, mingling with a group Marian doesn't know. It's just her and Varric, and they pick a table in the corner and don't look at each other.

Marian always knew exactly who in their group was there for her, and who was there for Garrett. She knew exactly who counted among his friends and she loved each one. Varric was her friend, yes, but he loved Garrett and she wouldn't even want to try to compete. 

"He's not dead, y'know." She blurts out. "I know he's not. I don't know how, but..." She trails off. His eyes are too understanding. "No. No, fuck you. I'm not delusional, I'm not grieving, he's out there. He's alive." She can feel it, in her bones. Like flashes of lightning.

"Hawke is?" Lavellan joins them, sitting down with a slump. "Sorry, Garrett is? How do you know?"

"I don't." Marian frowns. "I mean, I do, but I just- I just do, ok. He's my twin. He's still alive."

The Inquisitor put up her hands. "I'm not doubting you, I'm just trying to figure out how many resources I can allocate for this. With what you've told me, it's not much."

Marian scowls. "Yeah, because a group of soldiers or two is really gonna help me fetch my brother out of the fade."

She scowls right back. "Look, Hawke, I know your priority is Garrett, but I've got bigger things to think about. I'm coming with you, and some of my companions, but I'm not talking about soldiers. I'm talking about how many of our mages we can have studying the fade in that region, how many stories we can track down of situations like this, the money and travel and manpower it takes to acquire the books and materials we'll need to actually have the best chances of success. I want to help you, I really do, but without more to go on, it's just us, because the rest of my people are busy trying to figure out how to stop another one of my friends from tearing down the veil. So don't get cheeky just because I don't bow to your whims the way you are very much acting like I should."

Marian realizes she's holding herself the way she did as the Champion, and leans back out of it. One legend to another, she realizes, means that neither of them have the upper hand. "Sorry, Lady Herald." She can't resist a jab.

But the 'Lady Herald' just grins. "Please, call me Adelai. It's kind of nice to have another person I can't order around."

Marian can't help but laugh. "I think I like you."

(Marian is born older by four minutes. She'll tease Garrett about it until he accidentally sets something on fire, but one day there's no crackle-spark of flame, there's a crackle in the air and a bright flash, and she wakes up in her father's arms with every nerve tingling and she can feel it in her bones, like lightning. But Garrett is crying and then Dad laughs, "You scared us, June-bug," and everything is fine. Except that Garrett just stares and stares at her like she's not even there.)

((Carver is born a whole half an hour before Beth is, and Marian jokes that even then he was worried and waiting for her to follow him. Carver never teases Bethany, but it doesn't matter. Beth is wind and water where Garrett is storm and flame, and she just had to learn how not to make it rain. She doesn't joke when they come back from the deep roads and Carver tells them that Bethany has been taken, and he's following her.))

Varric shoves them into a room near his, and Isabela curls around her, nimble fingers soothing the tangles out of her hair. "It's going to get harder from here."

Marian huffs, snuggles deeper into her arms. "Has that ever stopped me?"

Isabela sighs in return, tracing figures on her neck. "I'd be happier for it. Danger on the seas, assassins and raiders, I can deal with. You don't deal with the Fade everyday."

"He'd do it for me," She mumbles, "even if he had to drag the Inquisitor and have her look in every corner of the world, he'd find me."

(There is a moment when the dragon appears that Marian thinks they will die. She does not look at the scales and the horns and the teeth. She doesn't notice the Witch shift. She is staring at Garrett, at the light in his eyes, and she wonders how he can still be so awed when there is no hope for them. Marian thinks of his prayers.)

Leliana finds her in the morning, standing on the edge of the wall and watching the sun hide behind the mountains. It is, of course, the same Leliana. Marian almost wishes she could be surprised.

"Did you talk to him," Marian wonders aloud, "when he came here? Did you talk about blessings and curses again?"

"No," Leliana answers immediately. "I didn't know if I would be able to stand the answer."

Marian doesn't say another word.

(Garrett was always so steady and calm, so serious. Marian was the wild child, with a sarcastic tongue and dangerous smiles. No one ever suspected that she was the one who actually had some sense.)

They leave, a small procession. It's Adelai, with the Iron Bull, Dorian Pavus, and a boy Adelai calls Cole. Marian trails along with only Isabela and Varric. She misses Anders in that moment, she misses Merrill and Aveline, even Fenris. She especially misses having Beth and Carver at her back.

She tells herself she's not allowed to miss Garrett, not when she's going to get him back. 

(She watched Garrett wither like Kirkwall is sunshine without water, or a flood without light. She watches him kill himself to keep them alive. She lets him. She loves him, but she lets him. She will not kill herself to protect him, and she cannot tell him to save himself, not in any way he would ever listen to.)

Adamant casts the largest shadows Marian has ever seen, and the air seems to shimmer in odd waves. The ground and the stone and the walls are still stained red. But Marian can feel it, can feel him in the air in the wind in the sky, she knows he's waiting.

She can feel it in her bones, like lightning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, pls come again soon.


End file.
